Friendships
"We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy." ~ Pema Chödrön
Sometimes, life seems to have the singular goal of knocking you out of balance. This often happens just after you start to feel life is getting into a good rhythm or when you are experiencing a moment of joy. You're walking down the street thinking, "Wow, I am so unbelievably lucky to be alive." A few hours later, your car breaks down. Or a flood of sudden grief takes you to your knees.
In January, I lost my mom to cancer. It was sudden and tragic and flipped my world upside down. I am forever grateful that she was my mom, and I am fully aware that our connection and relationship were unique. My mom was the most loyal, fun, and fierce woman I have known. The greatest lesson (gift) my mom ever taught me was the importance of friendships. She demonstrated the necessity of having women by your side as you walk, dance, cry, and laugh your way through life.
Being encircled by friendships has proven necessary throughout the inevitable heart-heavy times that are part of the human experience. Community and friendships have grounded me amid grief; it has provided any semblance of stability over the last year while the cycle of things coming together and falling apart has repeated itself.
Friendship and community are imperative to our mental health, positively impacting mental and physical well-being. Here are some of the key health benefits of having strong and supportive friendships:
Reduced Stress: Spending time with friends can help reduce stress levels. Social support from friends provides a sense of comfort and understanding that can buffer the effects of stress.
Improved Mental Health: Strong friendships are associated with lower rates of depression, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness. Friends provide emotional support, a listening ear, and a sense of belonging, all contributing to better mental health.
Increased Happiness: Positive social interactions trigger the release of neurotransmitters like serotonin and oxytocin, which are linked to feelings of happiness and well-being. Sharing laughter and joyful experiences with friends can boost mood.
Enhanced Self-Esteem: Friends provide affirmation, encouragement, and constructive feedback, which can help improve self-esteem and self-confidence. Knowing that others value you can positively influence your self-perception.
Coping Mechanisms: During tough times, friends offer a support system that helps you navigate challenges, providing practical advice, empathy, and a sense of normalcy. Sharing your struggles with friends can help you develop healthier coping strategies.
Longevity: Studies have shown that people with strong social connections tend to live longer. Friendships can promote a healthier lifestyle, as friends might encourage you to engage in activities that benefit your overall health.
Brain Health: Engaging in conversations and activities with friends stimulates cognitive function. Social engagement challenges your brain and supports its overall health.
Increased Resilience: Friends can provide emotional resilience by offering perspectives and advice you might not have considered. Their support helps you bounce back from adversity more effectively.
Sense of Belonging: Having friends provides a sense of belonging to a community, which fulfills a basic human need for connection. This sense of belonging can contribute to overall life satisfaction.
It's important to note that the quality of friendships matters more than the quantity. Cultivating deep, meaningful connections with a few individuals tends to be more beneficial than having many superficial relationships. Investing time and effort into building and maintaining these relationships can significantly improve your overall health and well-being.
How to Make New Friends
Making new friends as an adult requires intentionality and effort. As adults, we tend to fall into our daily patterns and routines, which doesn't always allow for new friendship opportunities. Here are a few ideas on how to make new friends.
Put yourself out there: All friendships start with risk. When you’re learning how to make friends as an adult, the sometimes uncomfortable reality is that you have to put yourself out there, try to connect, and see how people respond. It can feel vulnerable, but the risk is often worth the reward. So, at the beginning of this adventure, decide that you’ll accept awkwardness and that it won't always work out. It won’t always click, but don’t take any of that personally—just keep showing up.
Be intentional about staying connected: We live in a fast-paced, social media-focused world. Making friends is an act of staying committed to being open and vulnerable. If you want to make more friends, you must be intentional about meeting new people, spending time with them, and following up—whatever it takes to stay connected.
Invite people over Hosting is about making people feel welcome and included. Have a weekly game night or a neighborhood BBQ. These simple connections can grow into meaningful friendships over time.
Ask people if they want to be friends (and see what happens): If there is a coworker that you share interests with, ask them out for lunch or coffee. Invite someone to go to a concert with you. Ask someone to go fishing or on a walk. You never know what they will say, but it's worth the risk.
Figure out what you like to do and then do it with others: Follow your interests and hobbies and find like-minded company. If you love being outside, connect with a hiking group. If you like football, host a watch party on fight nights. Whatever your thing is—birdwatching, Zumba, or mountain biking—find people who are into those same things in your community.
Say yes to invitations: The flip side to taking the initiative is being open and available when people ask you to join something. Be adventurous. Sign up for things. Go to parties when you’re invited. Don’t assume it’ll be a disaster, or you won’t get along with those people. Just go.
Be patient: Making friends as an adult can be challenging, fantastic, and scary. It takes a while to grow a friendship. The most meaningful relationships take time to sprout and bloom and grow. Don’t rush, and enjoy the process of a blossoming friendship.
Five places where you can plant the seed for new friendships:
Volunteer in your community.
Join a local gym or sports league.
Join a professional networking group.
Check out Meetup for local social groups and activity calendars.
Take a class or learn a new skill through COCC or Bend Parks and Recreation.
